A Brother Remembered!

It is with great sadness that I write the following post....

Of course when starting this blog I pictured documenting the trivia that encompasses all our lives but life is not all about trivia and it would be wrong of me not to mention the huge void that is now apparent in our lives ~ all of us who have lost a son, brother, partner, uncle and friend.

I thought my next post would have been to post photos of our much anticipated holiday to Disney, Florida where we had planned to meet with two special families from both our first and second trip to Kazakhstan... Instead I want to pay tribute to my brother who sadly passed away on the 30th October, less than two weeks after being diagnosed with cancer and less than a month after having complained of feeling unwell.

John's death has stunned us, leaving us numb, shocked and heartbroken. We left for Disney with a grey cloud hanging over our heads having visited John in hospital the previous day just after he was told he had cancer and would have to be transferred to another hospital to start chemo. Less than a week later another phone call told me I should think of coming home as John had been told that there was nothing that could be done for him and his time with us would not be long....

Throughout his very short illness John amazed us all by his strength...While his physical strength waned he showed remarkable strength of character as he was dealt one blow after the other. Each time as the news got worse and he had to shoulder what can only be described as 'his death sentence' he shouldered it himself, asked many questions of the doctors that others wouldn't dare ask for fear of being unable to contemplate the answers and his overriding concern was for all his loved ones and how our parents could possibly deal with this the most devastating of news.

Never before has it hit home with such force that while we may think that we are in the driving seat as we live our lives we, in reality are not in control as much as we would like to think - We are indeed on a journey but none of us know where our journey through life will bring us, what we will encounter on the way or for how long our journey will last.... and that is a sobering thought! For John, in recent times he was happy to be changing course on his journey, new career, just about to start building the house he had recently got planning permission for... life was good... Sadly for John those plans would not bear fruition...

John's funeral was a fitting tribute to the great guy he was ~ For over four hours on the night of his removal we stood in our house as family, friends, neighbours came to sympathise, many in tears, expressing shock at how quickly his illness and death had evolved, many lost for words as they told us again and again that they 'did not know what to say'.... His funeral Mass the next day was equally large ~ testament to the full life he had lived in the time he had had....

We have learnt a lot about John over the past few weeks that show us he was so much more than a brother, or a son - John was many things to many people and as people listened to his lifelong friend Paul read his very moving eulogy those who knew him shed tears as they heard the John they knew and those who may not have known John personally but were there because they were connected with someone else in our family or with his girlfriend Cora, also shed tears and came away thinking 'I wish I had known him'!

While we deal with the aftermath of John's passing, with the grief that hits us in waves now that the shock has worn off, I, as are all of us thankful for many things during the final two weeks of John's life..

I am thankful:

~ for all my other siblings who insisted in calling me to come home in spite of John's insistence that I get to finish my holiday..

~ for, as a result of that phone call being able to spend many hours with John from Sunday to Thursday..

~ for my wonderful husband who, while wanting to come home remained with Darrelle, Elena and Alex in Disney so that they could finish out their holiday...

~for Darrelle who was so willing to sing at John's funeral and did a great job...

~ for the music that added so much to John's Mass, from both the choir and John's friends who played at the service and in the graveyeard - None of us will ever hear the music/lyrics of 'John O'Dreams' again without shedding a tear for John....

~ for a hospital that was less than 5 minutes from our house..

~ for the wonderful nurses who cared for John while he was in the hospital, whose compassion for him and for us went way beyond the call of duty...

~ for Cora, so long a part of John's life and who was a huge comfort to him right to the end...

~ for the privilege of being with John as he died....

~for the (rare) dry, mild weather we had for John's removal and funeral...

~ for Mum & Dad, who remained so strong and dignified in the face of such immeasurable heartbreak which, in turn helped us enormously to get through the days...

~ for the love and support that each of us gave to each other and the closeness we share as a family and maybe did not even fully realise we had until we were put to the test... For that I am truly thankful...

~ for all the people, who offered help, looking after the kids, etc willing to do anything to make things a little easier for us....

~ for the wonderful friends that I have in my life who travelled to be with us, some of them the two days and who continually sent text messages to me conveying support and concern....

All the above, and those I haven't mentioned at the risk of this being TOOOO long or may have forgotten have been a huge source of comfort to me and show that while God may not always answer your prayers the way you want Him to He sometimes works in much subtler ways and if we look a little deeper we find that yes He is listening...

But the one thing that brings me to tears without fail is something John said during his final week.....

'Now there'll only be 4.....'

'No John! there will always be 5!

This was taken in October 2003 ~ a few weeks after Elena arrived home

from Kazakhstan. John arrived unexpectedly at our house to

meet his newest niece....

The Reflection that Dad read at John's Funeral Mass
The Loom of Time

Man's life is laid in the loom of time
To a pattern he does not see,
While the weavers work and the shuttles fly
Till the dawn of eternity.
Some shuttles are filled with silver threads
And some with threads of gold,
While often but the darker hues
Are all that they may hold.

But the weaver watches with skillful eye
Each shuttle fly to and fro,
And sees the pattern so deftly wrought
As the loom moves sure and slow.
God surely planned the pattern:
Each thread, the dark and fair,
Is chosen by His master skill
And placed in the web with care.

He only knows its beauty,
And guides the shuttles which hold
The threads so unattractive,
As well as the threads of gold.
Not till each loom is silent,
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God reveal the pattern
And explain the reason why

Ar Dheis Dé a anam!